Are you tired of being skinny, in shape, and fit? Do you want to get fat really fast? I know it must be real irritating having so much energy, getting compliments all the time about how good you look, rarely ever getting sick, and feeling great every single day. So I have compiled a list of the top 15 ways to get fat really fast, you know, just in case…

Start by eating really bad:

1. Eat at fast food restaurants as often as possible. Great places to choose from are McDonald’s, Burger King, and Taco Bell. Always supersize.

 

1. If you want something more fancy go to Chili’s and order this for dinner:

• Appetizer Trio (eating only half as there will probably be someone with you) = 966 calories
• Jalapeno Smokehouse Burger = 2130 calories
• Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie Dessert = 1290

Total calories consumed = 4386 calories

Total fat gained on your body = 1.25 pounds

1. Drink lots of alcohol. Consume at least a 12 pack of beer or 5 Margaritas on a daily basis. You could gain around a half a pound every day.

 

1. 4.       Consume 7 cans of soda a day for a week straight. You’ll end consuming about 7000 calories which equals 2 pounds.

 

1. Go on some crazy, calorie restricting diet for a few weeks and then start eating your regular diet. That’s a surefire way to slow your metabolism down and cause you to binge on junk food since it’s too hard to stick to the ridiculous diet anyhow. Also, your energy level will be so low you won’t want to do anything.

 

1. Come home in a bad mood every night and consume a pint of Ben and Jerry’s to wash away your suffering. At an average of 1200 calories in each pint, simply consuming 3 of these could add an extra pound to those shapely hips and thighs.

 

1. 7.       Complain about how much it costs to eat healthy while filing your cart with Ribeye steaks, Premium Ice Cream, Bags of Potato Chips, Beer, and Cigarettes.

 

1. Go to the movies often, but don’t just watch the movies. Be sure to gobble down the following:

• 1 large popcorn with butter = 960 calories
• 1 Large soda = 310 calories
• An 8 oz bag of Reeses Pieces = 1160 calories

Total calories consumed = 2430 calories

Total fat gained on your body = .70 pounds

 

1. Gorge yourself at the local buffet. Pile up your plate with fried chicken, gravy, and anything covered with butter. Make sure your stomach hurts so bad it’s hard to walk and you must unbutton your pants before leaving.  And whatever you do DON’T skip dessert. I don’t care if you’re full.

Limit exercise and movement by following these proven techniques:

1. 10.   Take your kids, your sisters kids, or even your neighbors kids to the park so they can run around while you sit on a bench and do absolutely nothing.

 

1. 11.   Avoid exercise like the plague and instead watch 3 hours of TV every night while mindlessly munching on potato chips and chocolate candy.

 

1. Spend 10 minutes driving around a crowded parking lot waiting for that front row parking spot instead of spending 5 minutes walking from the back of the parking lot where there are at least 100 open spots.

 

1. Wear really uncomfortable shoes everywhere you go including the office, school, and running errands so that you can be sure to avoid walking at all costs so your feet don’t end up hurting.

 

1. 14.   Sit on the computer all day and try to get up only when necessary such as a potty break or to grab a fatty or sugary snack. Yes, read all about how to get fit on my blog and learn different exercises, but do not implement anything you learn.

 

1. 15.   Limit lifting of any sort as much as possible, not just weights, but lifting boxes, kids, or anything that weighs over a half a pound. The less muscle you have the more fat you can gain when your metabolism starts slowing down.

 

1. 16.   If your job for any reason requires activity ask to be transferred to a desk job or get a new job.

 

1. Make sure to get little to no sleep. Definitely, less than 5 hours is ideal. This will mess up your hormones, throwing your body and metabolism out of whack so your brain instead signals your body to store fat.

So there you have it! The top ways to get fat really fast.

Did I miss anything?!

Posted in Featured, Lifestyle & Healthy Living by Becky | 5 Comments